The ephemeral harbinger of lunacy

I do not often choose to dine alone -- in fact, I often make a conscious decision to avoid it if it is at all possible. Why? Quite honestly, I feel like a loser -- a friendless, family-less loser. The circumstances surrounding the situation become irrelevant because, as I sit alone, I am keenly aware that those sitting next to me are not aware of the reasons I dine alone. To quote a blogger whose name escapes me, "you feel very much 'on display,'" and you feel you are being judged unfairly.

It is, of course, irrational to presume that my fellow patrons should be so inclined to judge me when, in all likelihood, they are not even aware of my presence. Still, nonetheless, I cannot help feeling uncomfortable -- given the sheer number of sites offering advice to casual, solo diners, I am convinced that I am not alone in that respect.

This feeling has only been reinforced recently by a comment made by my mother this past Monday. She mentioned that a solo diner had been casually eavesdropping on our conversation. She referred to him as a "loser" and made a passing comment about dining alone that fell in line with my, previously believed, irrational fears.

What is it that drives this particular belief? I've heard it mentioned numerous times that "eating is a social activity," but that ignores the fundamental, necessary role that eating plays for the individual. I cannot say I am fully aware of the reasons why, and I don't particularly care to speculate because, honestly, I feel it is a fruitless endeavor; however, I do feel so inclined to say that I am tired of feeling like the big loser on display every time I dine alone.

I thought I'd do my own little series on an issue (or, rather, a string of issues) that concerns me on a personal level. I've addressed it before (though, if my ambition holds out, not to this degree), but I have some new experiences that I feel have contributed to my own evolution. And, with that, here begins the first in my series "Alone, but not lonely."

It is true that, very often (and usually at the dinner table) my solo status becomes a topic of concern (or, at the very least, a point of interest) whenever issues like gay marriage, childrearing, teen pregnancy, and a host of other related topics are raised.

And, without fail, somebody inevitably asks the 'big' question: "So, Justin, do you have a girlfriend yet?"

Shall we examine the various cultural prejudices inherent in this, seemingly, innocent question?

First, the questioner must presume I am heterosexual. Yes, to be fair, I am well aware that, given that the majority of persons are heterosexual, it is likely a safe bet; however, given that the question can be posed differently, I maintain that the person in question is directly, if unintentionally, contributing to the propagation of the ever-pervasive and suffocating heternormative social structure.

Second, the questioner must presume that, inevitably, I will "couple" ("coupling" is a popular phrase used by QuirkyAlones to describe the formation of romantic relationships). Perhaps because I am more often told that (regardless of the gender of the person in question) I am in need of an "SO," I deem these inherent, but often unseen prejudices to be more irritating if not more offensive on a personal level.

Finally, because I have had countless strangers ask me this question, I am a little appalled that, very often, the initial reaction I receive follows along the lines of "Oh, why not?" Perhaps I'm just a little antisocial, but I don't see why this particular conversation should progress this far -- this is a personal matter after all, and I don't see why a stranger has any business knowing whether or not I'm in a committed romantic relationship if they, themselves, are not seeking to create one with me.

Here ends the first in a series of posts. I shall continue when I have the energy to do so.

A brief quiz, stolen from, like, everyone -- for realz. Much of it was fairly accurate, which is saying something, considering that, if I were to take it again, I don't know if I could replicate it if I tried.

asexual_enya took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to establish himself and make an impact desp..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Today, though it was quite busy, did a lot to rekindle my interest in the courses I am taking.

In finance today, we spent the entire hour computing the weighted average cost of capital and the net present value of a specific project. Even for those majoring in finance, those are fairly difficult concepts to wrap your head around, and applying them to the real world is even more difficult; but, after spending an hour working through some in-depth problems, I feel a lot more prepared for the test next Friday.

Tabling was a lot of fun. I can recall what it feels like to be "harassed" by aggressive tablers, so I, instead, took a different approach -- I smiled and made eye contact, but said nothing unless they approached me with questions. And, when I explained what the project was for, a lot of them said "whoa" and were willing to donate what they had -- others, instead, promised to bring some change later. One person donated a $10 bill, another donated a $5 bill, and quite a few others donated $1 bills. And, the cherry on top of the ice cream is that many of these people were unconcerned with the prizes -- they really wanted to donate just for the sake of helping out an organization like Emma Norton Services. And, you know, it was nice to talk with some of these people about the organization or anything they had to say -- especially because, when others show interest, others are attracted.

I was beginning to get worried about my informational interview for Bridges. The man I planned to interview completely forgot about it -- he called to apologize and rescheduled. So, hopefully, it will all work out this time around. :D

Well, the issues I have been having with my service learning project have since cleared up. And, last night, my group and I put together the final touches and, today, I will be tabling.

I think we have some pretty fabulous prizes to win, so I encourage you (Danny and Ellen) to consider donating. :D Both first and second place will win a $25 gift certificate to Target, third place will win a $15 gift certificate to Best Buy, fourth place will win a $15 gift certificate to Macy's, and fifth and sixth place will win two free sandwiches and desserts at some ice cream shop. I think we really outdid ourselves with the prizes this time around -- I hope this will encourage people to donate.

And, on top of that, my group has also taken it upon ourselves to seek out old computers to donate -- Emma Norton Services really needs them badly. Well, my sisters' friends' parents (try saying that ten times fast) have two old computers they may be willing to donate if we can erase everything on their hardware -- luckily, I have an uncle who knows how to do just that. :D

For all the stress this whole project has caused from day one, now that the ball has really started to roll, it has become fun for me. :D

Of course, now I have to prepare another journal. :(

( Onto the meme )

Apartment selection day was today, and Danny and Ellen and I will be sharing an apartment next year! We were pretty fortunate that our combined scores were enough to land us a spot -- I know quite a few people weren't so lucky. And, after the past two years dealing with housing bullshit, it's nice to have something go our way right off the bat -- not that the rooms we did land were horrible by any stretch of the imagination. Also, because parking is guaranteed for those living in the campus apartments, I don't have to deal with the lottery bullshit.

In other news, I love financial analysis. That is all.

And, finally, a meme snagged from likespring

» Comment with any subject that you would like me to rant on, with possible swearing involved. Any subject - I don't even have to agree with it.

» Watch my journal for your rant.

» Post this in your own journal, so that you may rant for others.

And, though it says "anything goes," try not to choose an obscure topic that I have no knowledge about and couldn't formulate an opinion on in a reasonably short time.

Not long now -- no, not long at all. And, no more delays to speak of, so I'm growing more excited as the days pass by -- luckily, they pass by fairly quickly now.

To pass the time, I decided I would see if any of the songs were available to listen to on YouTube. Sure enough, one user has, obviously, spent considerable time putting together most of the songs online, on Youtube, so I've been listening to them.

Oh, my God, you guys -- so much fucking win. For real, after hearing the various remixes of some of my all-time favorite videogame themes, I'd purchase Brawl just for the music alone -- it's that good.

I can understand why anyone wouldn't like listening to someone playing videogames -- the music is, often, a kind of afterthought, really. Normally, the music is repetitive, all hook, and usually very electronic. Even the very best could probably grate on your nerves after a while if you aren't engrossed in the game.

The music on Brawl, however, is scored very well -- the music is highly appealing by itself -- and actual musicians are playing -- some of the pieces are performed by full orchestras. And, there is such a wide variety of songs -- I doubt I could listen to all of them in one night.

In the previous installments of the Smash Brothers series, there were some stages that I wouldn't play -- at least not very often -- because I didn't like the music. So far, I haven't really come across any songs that I hated listening to -- there were, maybe, a handful that I didn't really love; but, not one of them did I hate. Besides, even if I did come to hate some of the songs, there exists that new option where you can choose to keep those songs out of the loop.

Gosh, I just can't wait. *Cue fanboy squeeling*

On Friday, on my home, my mother, driving home from Minneapolis, pulled up behind me back at the turn-off from highway 52 to county road 9. Later, while she's still following me, my father pulls out ahead of me as we turn from county road 9 onto county road 4. Together, the three of us pull into the driveway all at the same time. I doubt we could have planned it any better -- after all, I was driving home from St. Paul, Mom from Minneapolis, and Dad from Lake City. That was pretty darn awesome -- but I'm just silly, so.... xP

Last night I watched Jumper with my little sister, and it was better than I thought it was going to be -- though, as always, don't take my word for it because I am the least picky person I know when it comes to cinema experiences. Oh, and this middle-aged couple cut in front of my sister and me while we were in line waiting to purchase snacks. I was really tempted to say something, but I thought better of it -- I didn't want to get kicked out of the theater for creating a scene.

And, today, I finished making changes to my resume` and picked out an internship description that sounded interesting to me -- the company deals, almost exclusively I think, with financial advising. I felt I'd make a decent candidate -- I feel confident that I meet all their necessary requirements. So, now I'm prepared to sign up for the practice interview program. Wish me luck. ;)

I admit, though the general gist/portrayal of the holiday is offensive to me as an asexual person, I can't help getting into it..., at least a little.

I love the chocolate, and I suppose that's enough to justify putting up with irritating questions like "So, who's your valentine? Got a date?"

Besides, no matter how irritated I get, as long as there are so many people who enjoy the holiday, I would never poo-poo it.

Two posts in one night? Ho'shit, guys, I'm sorry.

Anyway, today Hamline sponsored an event: FAULTLINES, RIFTS & BREACHES: EXPLORING RACISM & OTHER FORMS OF OPRRESSION The title, really, says it all. I participated, both because it was required for one of my classes, but also because I thought it would be interesting and a good learning experience.

I don't recall ever mentioning the Halloween incident on my LJ, but I think it's worth mentioning now because today was largely a response to that incident. On Halloween night, several Hamline students, most of them white, donned black makeup, afros, and "jungle" wear -- they claimed to be "native tribesmen." There are so many things wrong with this, but the biggest issue was that they appeared to be miming old blackface caricatures -- needless to say, a lot of people were very upset.

Back to the present, I can't say I honestly thought there was any real groundbreaking going on, and it felt like, for the most part, the speakers were preaching to the converted -- those who'd probably benefit the most probably didn't participate.

The keynote speaker was incredibly dry, and I know many openly admitted to nodding off.

The first breakout session went smoothly, at least initially, though it involved a lot of self-pitying guilt that I felt was not productive -- the topic, for those curious, was "An honest conversation about whiteness."

I knew from the title that we'd be addressing white privilege, and I had hoped we'd do a lot more to identify and define what white privilege is. Instead, it felt like we were floundering a lot, and that people didn't walk away with broadened horizons -- though, that may be because I don't particularly like group discussions that aren't more rigidly moderated.

And, in the last ten minutes, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. The first conflict pitted the socialists in the room against the capitalists, and the second was a petty catfight between a professor and one of the other students in the room concerning certain sanctions.

The second breakout session went a lot more smoothly and, at least from my perspective, was more interesting -- that topic, for those curious, was "Influence of gender, class, sexuality in science & math courses/classrooms." The conversations felt more grounded and there were some interesting perspectives thrown into the pot.

I'm sure they'll hold another one of these next year and I fully intend to attend again, because I don't feel it was a waste, but I certainly hope the planners took away some things too, because there were quite a few improvements that could be made.

These types of memes are always so difficult, because it forces me to narrow down a long list. Anyway, in alphabetical order.

Pick 10 people and give them the "you make my day" award. If you're picked, you are charged with picking 10 of your own.

1.  arularia
2.  candybat
3.  kaze_kitty
4.  kittikattie
5.  leafy_days
6.  limepocky
7.  maire_mac
8.  raeshena
9.  silvey
10.  The rest of the fearsome foursome -- shaddap, I can put three on one if I want, because I'm thirteen, and I have a body!  *Snap*

And, in other news, Hamline, apparently, owes me a fairly significant amount of money -- nearly $9,000!  I have no idea why, but they are now asking for my credit card information so they can provide me with a refund, but I know for a fact my credit card didn't cover that cost, and I don't recall asking my parents to pay for anything, so....  Anyway, I'll be giving Daddy a call and hope that he'll help me sort things out a bit -- of course, I already tried tonight, but my service provider is being a real douche bag.

I managed to accomplish more than I had expected to. I was a little bummed earlier because I hadn't taken the initiative to finish, or even start, my creative writing assignment when I had promised myself I would finish it before the weekend was over.

Now, I didn't finish writing; however, I finished the assignment, which was to write three to five pages about an event I've experienced -- I decided that I'd write about my graduation party. Once I started the words flowed right out of my fingertips and I'm pleased with what I have thus far, and I have so much more I'd like to add. This may very well wind up as my final project. ^.^

I hadn't planned on writing up my Bridges personality assessment paper; but, because I hadn't started on my creative writing project at the time, I decided I'd be productive and just do it. Well, I managed to finish it, so that's one less thing to worry about this week.

Finishing projects well in advance always makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. :D

I probably won't do any more work tonight -- not that I'd have much time before bed anyway -- but, I can rest easier tonight knowing that, at least for now, there isn't anything particularly stressful I have to worry about that I can deal with at the moment.

Oh, my God, it is so~ cold. Without any wind at all, the temperature here, at home, sits at an oh-so comfortable -9 degrees Fahrenheit (-22.8 degrees Celsius) -- with wind chill, we're sitting at a frigid -62 fucking degrees Fahrenheit (-52.2 degrees Celsius). I can't recall any specific numbers, but I think any more than ten minutes exposure to temperatures this low will result in frostbite.

I'm fairly comfortable sitting next to the fireplace right now, but I am not looking forward to the drive back to the campus (That, and the cold will sap away my usually fairly stellar gas mileage.).

In other news, work was the most fun I've had at the Y in a long time. The lap pool was closed for repairs -- one of the underwater lightbulbs burnt out -- so the pool was being drained -- that meant that the lap swimmers had to make due with the rec pool, which sucks for lap swimming.

Most lap swimmers never even bothered to show up at all, and those that did never stayed very long. In fact, between the hours of 10:00 and 11:30, not a single person was there to swim. I made use of my free time by organizing one of the back closets and tossing old, waterlogged noodles.

Some of the other workers had a similar train of thought and worked on their own, respective projects while the Y was dead. It was funny, because one of the aerobics ladies decided to test out a brand new sound system, and, oh God, it was so loud. I was listening to my music, and I had it turned up relatively high to drown out the sound of water sloshing and the rumble of the whirlpool, and I could still hear Celine Dion, Imogen Heap, and, apparently, Sean Kingston blaring over my music, and their player wasn't even in the same area.

And, in other news, I didn't take the time to write up a three-page non-fiction story this weekend like I had hoped I would -- I just wasn't motivated enough to do it. So, I suppose I may do it tonight, though it is more likely that I'll be working on my Bridges paper because I had initially planned to do it tonight anyway.

Up until now, I haven't put much effort into compiling userpics; but, after Ellen revamped her account, I figured that I might as well do something to mine, too (Yes, Ellen, this time I copied joo!).

Anyway, I'll put them under a cut, and provide a little explanation for each, just because I can. xP

( Snippety snip! )

And, with that, there you have it. All fifteen of my icons and a little something about them. Gosh, it was surprisingly difficult to put all of this together. ^.^;;

I spent the past few hours after lunch reading the first two chapters in my Management & Management Ethics text (Long chapters are long!), and I was pleasantly surprised to find that much of the material is concerned with psychological and sociological case studies and theories -- chiefly, intrapersonal and interpersonal relations and management as well as the value of hiring a diverse work force.

It's a pity that this class has so many prerequisites -- I think a lot of people would really enjoy and benefit from a class like this. In particular, I think many students would appreciate the emphasis placed not on technical expertise -- the bread and butter of academic institutions -- but on communication and interpersonal skills -- skills that, ultimately, are more useful in the workforce.

In other news, the snow has stopped and that's a little disappointing -- I had hoped it would continue all day because it looks so pretty. Oh well, c'est la vie, no?

I've always felt fairly fortunate, given that I have rarely ever been approached by some Jesus freak on the streets -- actually, barring the county fair and that one time on campus during first year, this was the first time I've ever been approached.

My parents and I were walking to a restaurant and, sure enough, the weirdos with pamphlets (My mom saw it coming.) approached us and asked if we'd like to learn about "our lord and savior, Jesus Christ." I'm such a sucker and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I would have stayed and listened to their obnoxious spiel; however, my parents continued walking, so I was spared the indignity.

They must have followed us a short distance because one of the workers at a nearby store asked us if those guys were bothering us. We told him we were fine, but I could tell he was wishing one of us would have said that we were being harassed -- I get the feeling he didn't want them standing around so close to the place he works.

The temperatures rose to, oh, about thirty-two degrees farenheit (zero degrees celsius) and, to be honest, it felt really nice. Isn't that sick? I've grown so accustomed to sub-zero temperatures on the farenheit scale that thirty-two degrees feels warm by comparison. Apparently, quite a few people felt the same, given that I saw many walking around carrying their winter coats instead of wearing them and many just decided to leave them at home and chose to walk around with nothing more than a sweatshirt and a layer or two underneath.

And, because the weather has improved so much the roads were the clearest I've seen them in a long time (read: over a month's time) -- that is, of course, until I hit the roads close to home and the lack of state funding becomes more readily apparent. Oh well, I suppose spring is only a hop, skip, and a jump away -- I can be patient until then.

And, so, today was the second day of classes -- that means I've attended them all, hooray!

I'm going to miss Dr. Tevis; but, I think Dr. Holbrook will be an amazing instructor none-the-less. I recognize two others who attended Intro. to Creative Writing with me -- and, unfortunately, the pretentious kid (I remember his name now!) has returned to grace us all with his presence. But, that aside, I've already made new friends! That's a good thing because this class will, inevitably, require a lot of cooperative work and involves a lot of sharing.

Foundations of Management sounds like an amazing class -- tricky, but amazing. I am looking most forward to the lead requirement. For the assignment we are required to donate twenty hours of our time at a non-profit organization, and I'd really, really love to spend those hours at one of the Planned Parenthood offices -- I hope that's an available option, but I'll have to see.

Bridges Scholars sounds like a good time too. I've already mentioned it to Danny, but there are quite a few general overlaps between my Foundations of Management class and this one -- Danny pointed out that Rita used to co-spear the Bridges Scholars class, so it makes sense.

And, speaking of abortion, I'd almost forgotten how irritating it can be debating the issue with certain Gaians. One user in particular kept resorting to personal attacks and rarely, if ever, actually addressed my points or answered my questions.

Well, my first two classes went well -- I fully expect that both will be interesting.

I already know some music theory -- I did take piano lessons for a few years and I was in band from the fourth grade onward. I'm looking forward to composing my own tunes for the final portfolio -- no, I don't expect them to be any good; but, I've always wanted to try and this will finally motivate me to actually do it.

Foundations of finance sounds like an absolutely amazing class. We'll be covering strategic financing decisions and each of us will have the opportunity to select any publicly traded company and perform an in-depth look into the company's financial statements to make conjectures about the future state of the business. ^.^

Oh, and it feels good to hop back in the abortion fray -- I've made a couple posts on Gaia between yesterday and today.

...and they're like "Mi moralz r bettur tan urs!!!one!11!"

Oh, YouTube, for all your win and awesomesauce, you certainly do attract a lot of garbage: in this case, pro-life propaganda films.

Sure, there are a fair number of amusing videos with a pro-choice slant (I just stumbled across one that made me ROFL.); but, for every pro-choice vid there exists, like, twenty pro-life ones. I learned long ago that attempting to debate with these people is fruitless -- the text limit is far too low to allow any meaningful conversation, so I don't even bother attempting to engage.